Your ex-partner refuses to sell or buy out the jointly owned home: what now?

23 September 2026

Arslan Advocaten

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Your ex-partner refuses to sell or buy out the jointly owned home: what now?

Is your ex-partner refusing to cooperate with the sale or buy-out of a jointly owned home? First establish who the owner is, what agreements exist and whether a takeover is financially feasible. A co-owner can in principle demand division, but in certain circumstances the court can take into account interests that justify postponement. A ruling on a sale does not automatically release you from the mortgage. Separate steps are needed for the transfer and for the release from liability.

Nederlands: Lees dit artikel in het Nederlands: Uw ex weigert verkoop of uitkoop van de gezamenlijke woning: wat nu?

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Written by Öznur Batur, attorney at Arslan Advocaten. Registered in the specialisation register of the Netherlands Bar for personal and family law and criminal law. Last updated: 19 September 2026. General information is not legal advice about your own situation.

Below you will find an approach for a deadlocked division of a home: from gathering documents and making a specific proposal to possible court proceedings. This article concerns joint ownership; in the case of a rented home or a home owned by only one partner, the framework is different.

Start with the title deed and the mortgage

The title deed shows who the owner is and in what proportions. The mortgage agreement determines who is liable towards the lender. That information may differ from what the partners regard between themselves as ‘our house’.

Also check the matrimonial property regime, the prenuptial agreement or the cohabitation agreement. For spouses, the home may form part of a community of property or be separate property, while reimbursement or settlement claims may nonetheless exist. For cohabitants, ownership shares and agreements about each partner’s own contribution may be decisive.

So do not immediately make a calculation in which the surplus value is split in two. It must first be clear which assets are being divided, which debts belong to them and which separate claims may exist.

Sale, buy-out and remaining undivided for the time being

There are usually three practical options: one partner takes over the home, the home is sold to a third party, or the partners remain joint owners for an agreed period. Each option needs to be worked out separately.

In a buy-out, valuation, financing, transfer of ownership and release from joint and several liability are important. In a sale, the estate agent, asking price, viewings, maintenance and acceptance of offers must be arranged. Remaining undivided for the time being requires arrangements on use, costs, risks and a clear end date.

An open-ended agreement that someone ‘will buy the other out later’ can prolong a deadlock. Work with verifiable steps and reasonable deadlines. Also record what happens if financing is not obtained or an agreed deadline is missed.

Can your ex-partner always block a sale?

The starting point is that a co-owner can demand division. There are statutory exceptions to this and options to postpone division temporarily. A valid agreement not to divide for the time being may also be relevant.

The presence of children or a difficult housing market does not automatically mean that the other co-owner remains bound indefinitely. Such interests can, however, be taken into account in the balancing of interests and the planning. The question is how much weight those interests carry and which solution is reasonable and workable.

A lawyer can assess whether you should seek performance of existing agreements or need a division by the court. That difference is important for the wording of the application and the decision sought.

Make a proposal that is genuinely workable

A useful proposal sets out the route, the valuation, the deadlines and the cooperation required. For example, propose first having an independent valuation carried out and investigating financing options within a certain period.

Agree how the valuer will be chosen and what happens if there is a large difference between valuations. Record which date will be used for the valuation and whether special circumstances give reason for an adjustment. In court proceedings, the legal valuation date may be disputed.

Also state the next step if a takeover proves not to be feasible. Without an agreement on a sale, a failed financing application may lead to months of renewed negotiation. A clear fallback scenario prevents that.

A buy-out is more than transferring an amount

In a buy-out, one partner is allocated or transferred the other’s share. This generally requires a notarial deed and registration. In addition, the financing must be adjusted correctly.

An agreement between the partners that the partner who stays will pay the entire mortgage does not automatically bind the bank. As long as you have not been released from liability, the lender may still be able to hold you liable. That also applies if you no longer live in the home.

Make sure the transfer of ownership, payment of the buy-out sum and the bank’s consent are aligned. An unconditional transfer before the other conditions have been settled can create risks. The civil-law notary, the mortgage adviser and the lawyer must each carry out their own part carefully.

How is the buy-out sum calculated?

A calculation often starts with the value of the home and the remaining mortgage debt, but cannot always end there. Costs, each partner’s own contribution, reimbursement rights, linked products or mutual claims may play a role. The ownership proportions are also relevant.

Distinguish repayment from interest and other costs. Repayment can build up assets, whereas interest is in principle a financing cost. Whoever has paid more since the break-up is not automatically entitled to reimbursement of every amount on the same basis.

Have the calculation explained item by item. State the reference date, the source and the legal basis. This allows the other party to respond in a targeted manner and prevents a seemingly simple balance from concealing several disputes.

Who pays the costs while the home is jointly owned?

External liability towards the bank, insurer or other contracting parties exists alongside the internal division between the ex-partners. A creditor does not simply have to take your mutual agreement into account.

Therefore make temporary arrangements on the mortgage, insurance, taxes, energy and necessary maintenance. Keep track of which payments count as a final contribution and which will be settled later. Also specify who receives messages from the bank and how payment problems will be reported immediately.

If only one partner uses the home, a use and occupation fee may be at issue. That is not an automatic standard rent that always comes on top of all other costs. The circumstances and any link with other payments must be assessed.

Arranging cooperation with a sale in concrete terms

When selling to a third party, a general agreement to ‘cooperate’ is sometimes too vague. Work out who instructs the estate agent, how the asking price is set and within what limits an offer can be accepted.

Arrange access for photography, valuation and viewings. Agree who keeps the home ready for sale and which necessary work will be carried out. Also decide how price adjustments will be discussed if the home remains unsold for a longer period.

A clear sales protocol can prevent court proceedings. If cooperation is still not forthcoming, it also makes visible which specific obligation is not being met. That is more useful than simply stating that your ex-partner is obstructing everything.

Going to court in the event of a persistent deadlock

In certain circumstances, a court can determine the method of division or order a division. In appropriate cases, cooperation with a sale or transfer can be claimed. The route chosen depends on the ownership, the agreements, urgency and the link with a divorce.

The wording of the decision is important. Sometimes an order is needed that replaces a declaration or act if cooperation is not forthcoming. That must match precisely, in legal terms, what the civil-law notary and the land register require. Not every general ruling on a sale is sufficient to complete the transfer.

Also discuss whether a penalty payment is appropriate and whether there is urgency. Interim relief proceedings can offer certain temporary or urgent measures, but do not automatically replace every final question of division.

Which supporting documents are needed?

A good file shows both the legal position and the deadlocked implementation. Gather the basic documents and a chronological overview of proposals and responses.

The title deed, mortgage documents and a current statement of the outstanding debt.
Prenuptial agreement, cohabitation agreement or divorce arrangements.
Valuations and relevant valuation information.
Evidence of each partner’s own contribution and of payments made since the break-up.
Correspondence about the buy-out, financing and sale.
Information about occupancy, children and available alternatives.
A specific proposal with deadlines and a fallback scenario.

Make clear which amounts are established and which are still disputed. Your own estimate of the value of the home is not the same as an independent valuation. Nor is a non-binding indication of financing a final approval from the bank.

What if the home is in negative equity?

If the home is in negative equity, a sale may leave a residual debt. Investigate in advance how that debt will be borne and what arrangements with the lender are needed. The fact that one partner leaves the home does not automatically free that person from the debt.

Check whether special schemes or conditions apply, for example in the case of a mortgage with the National Mortgage Guarantee (Nationale Hypotheek Garantie, NHG). Whether a claim is possible depends on the current conditions and the file; do not assume automatic debt forgiveness.

An arrangement on the internal division of a residual debt must be distinguished from the rights of the bank. Make sure both parts are aligned, so that a mutual agreement does not create a false sense of security.

Children and temporary occupancy

The interests of children may be taken into account in the planning and the use of the home. Stability around school and care is relevant. That does not mean that ownership and financing problems can continue indefinitely.

Explore a reasonable transitional period, alternative accommodation and the consequences for the care arrangement. Make specific agreements about the end date and the steps to be taken during that period. A temporary postponement without any action can actually increase the financial pressure.

During a divorce, provisional measures may be relevant for the use of the home. That temporary arrangement does not automatically determine the eventual ownership or sale.

Tax and notarial consequences

A division of a home can have tax consequences for mortgage interest, the owner-occupied home reserve (eigenwoningreserve), transfer tax and other matters. Those consequences differ depending on the form of relationship, ownership and timing. Have them investigated before the final agreement.

A buy-out sum that is legally acceptable can turn out to be financially unfavourable if tax consequences are overlooked. Taking over a loan is also not the same as taking out an entirely new mortgage. A specialised adviser can calculate the options and conditions.

Then use the outcome in a clear settlement agreement or division agreement. Have the civil-law notary check which documents and wording are needed for the transfer. This prevents the implementation from stalling after the parties thought they had already reached agreement on the substance.

Example: waiting endlessly for financing

In a fictitious situation, one ex-partner wants to take over the home, but a financing application is repeatedly postponed. The other remains liable for the mortgage and therefore finds it difficult to finance a home of his or her own.

The parties agree on an independent valuation and a specific deadline for final financing. If the takeover is not achieved within that period, the home will be sold through a jointly chosen estate agent. They already arrange the asking price, viewings and the handling of offers.

If one party fails to comply even with this clear agreement, a targeted legal step can be considered. The example shows why deadlines and a sale alternative are needed to turn a wish to buy the other out into a workable solution.

A sales protocol in six decisions

A sales protocol starts with the choice of an estate agent and the terms of instruction. This is followed by the asking price, the minimum procedure for consulting on offers, access for viewings, maintenance and the intended completion. These elements must be aligned with each other.

For example, agree that both owners receive the same sales information and respond within a reasonable time to reasoned advice from the estate agent. Record how a price reduction will be discussed if interest fails to materialise. An absolute minimum price without a moment for review can block a sale for a long time.

Also arrange how the costs of photography, an energy label or necessary repairs will be shared. Not every cosmetic improvement is necessary or cost-effective. Discuss larger expenses in advance and keep quotations and records of consent. This prevents a new dispute after the sale about costs incurred unilaterally.

The final purchase agreement and transfer require proper cooperation from the authorised parties. Have it examined in good time what happens if someone still refuses to sign after agreement has been reached. A legally usable substitute order must be worded precisely; an estate agent cannot solve that problem independently.

When delay becomes increasingly expensive

Map out the costs of continuing the joint ownership. Think of interest, insurance, maintenance and the restriction of your own financing options. Also mention the risks of payment arrears or overdue maintenance. This makes a request for progress more concrete.

Compare those costs with a reasonable transitional period for the occupant. A temporary solution can be justified if there is demonstrable work on financing or other accommodation. Without concrete action, delay may mainly mean that the risks pile up.

Consider whether temporary security is needed for mutual payments. An agreement that the occupant pays all costs only helps if payment can also be verified. Agree that messages from the bank are shared and that imminent arrears are reported immediately. If necessary, have it assessed which additional safeguard is legally appropriate.

After the notarial transfer

After the transfer, check that the buy-out sum has been received, the ownership registration is correct and the lender has confirmed the release from liability in writing. These acts belong together, but they are not the same document.

Update insurance policies, taxes and direct debits where necessary. Keep the civil-law notary’s final statement and the overview of any remaining mutual claims. A transfer of a home does not automatically settle all other financial matters between ex-partners.

If part of the buy-out sum is to be paid later, it must be clear what security, interest and due date apply. Have such arrangements worked out before the transfer. Asking for security afterwards, once ownership has already been transferred, can considerably change your negotiating position.

A handover without loose ends

Agree when the keys will be handed over, which belongings will be left behind and how meter readings will be recorded. Check that the home is handed over in the agreed manner and who will deal with necessary repairs. A clear handover checklist prevents a completed division from still ending in a dispute about damage or items left behind.

Keep photographs and the joint confirmation where appropriate. Also record the address at which important mail will be received and which joint contracts still need to be terminated. The notarial transfer settles ownership, but it does not replace this practical wrap-up.

Frequently asked questions

Can I simply sell my share to someone else?

The options and restrictions depend on the community of property, agreements and statutory rules. Moreover, selling a share is in practice something quite different from selling the whole home. Have the consequences for the mortgage and the co-owner assessed.

Does the bank have to cooperate with a buy-out?

Release from mortgage liability requires the lender’s consent. An agreement between ex-partners does not replace that consent. The bank assesses the financing in accordance with its applicable conditions.

Will I get back all the mortgage costs I have paid?

Not automatically. Interest, repayment, use and mutual agreements may be treated differently. Draw up a breakdown and have the legal basis for each item examined.

Can the court replace my ex-partner’s signature?

In appropriate cases, a court decision can replace a necessary declaration or act. The wording and statutory conditions are important. Coordinate in advance what is needed for implementation by the civil-law notary.

Do I lose my right of ownership if I move out?

Moving out temporarily does not in itself mean giving up ownership. However, use, costs and access must be properly arranged. Record the reason and the provisional arrangements in writing.

What first step helps most?

Gather the ownership and mortgage documents and draw up a specific proposal for a buy-out or sale. Through family law at Arslan you can have your options assessed. For the broader settlement, the existing explanation of dividing the marital home is also relevant.