Moving with your child after a divorce: consent and balancing of interests

23 September 2026

Arslan Advocaten

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Moving with your child after a divorce: consent and balancing of interests

Do you want to move house with your child after a divorce while you and the other parent have joint parental authority? Then you must take an important decision about where your child lives together. If the other parent does not give consent, you can ask the court for substitute consent. There is no general distance within which a move is always permitted. The consequences for the child, for both parents and for how the care arrangement works in practice are decisive.

Nederlands: Lees dit artikel in het Nederlands: Verhuizen met uw kind na een scheiding: toestemming en belangenafweging

Türkçe: Bu makaleyi Türkçe okuyun: Boşanmadan sonra çocuğunuzla taşınmak: izin ve menfaatlerin tartılması

Written by Öznur Batur, attorney at Arslan Advocaten, specialising in personal and family law. Registered in the Netherlands Bar’s register of areas of practice for personal and family law and criminal law. Last updated: 19 September 2026. General information is not legal advice about your own situation.

A good relocation plan therefore goes further than a new address. You must be able to explain why the move is necessary or desirable, which alternatives you have looked into and how contact with the other parent will continue to work in practice. Start on this before you enter into any irreversible commitments.

First check who has parental authority

Parental authority concerns the responsibility for taking important decisions for a minor child. It is not the same as recognition, the number of care days or the address at which the child is registered. Even if the child lives mainly with you, the other parent may have joint parental authority.

Gather the relevant birth and parental authority records and any earlier court decisions. An empty parental authority register does not in every case prove that only one parent has parental authority: parental authority can also have arisen by operation of law. Have the situation assessed on the basis of the complete records.

If you have sole parental authority, your legal starting position is different. However, that does not mean that the child’s interests, contact rights or earlier agreements are irrelevant. A move that seriously hinders contact can still lead to court proceedings. Where international circumstances are involved, further investigation is needed.

Your own move and your child’s move are separate questions

An adult parent has the freedom to rebuild their own life. That does not automatically mean they have the power to take the child to any place of residence they wish. The court must weigh the interests involved in relation to one another.

Sometimes a parent can move while the child stays in the existing environment for the time being. Sometimes a new division of care is possible. Such alternatives can be emotionally difficult, but they are part of a realistic assessment of the plan.

So state precisely what you are asking for: consent for a specific address or a clearly defined residential area, possibly together with a change of school and an adjusted care arrangement. A general wish to live ‘somewhere closer to family’ is difficult to assess.

What does the court take into account?

In a relocation dispute, all relevant circumstances are assessed. The interests of the child carry great weight, but the balancing exercise also includes the interests of both parents. The Supreme Court of the Netherlands (Hoge Raad) has emphasised that the court must consider those interests together. A decision does not follow from a single decisive standard factor.

In practice, relevant factors may include the need for the move, the preparation, alternatives, communication between the parents, the existing division of care and the consequences for contact. The child’s age, how rooted the child is, school, social environment and the child’s views may also play a role.

These factors are not a checklist with which you can add up a right to move. For example, a strong reason for a new home may go hand in hand with a transport plan that has not yet been worked out sufficiently. It is precisely the way these factors interact that makes concrete substantiation necessary.

Substantiate the reason for the move

A new job, affordable housing, support from family or moving in with a new partner can be an important reason. Explain what the change means for your daily life and for your child’s. Simply saying that the new place is ‘better’ does not make that verifiable.

Keep, for example, housing applications, rejections, a job offer and information about childcare. If you claim that no suitable housing is available in your current area, show what you have searched for and which options actually existed.

Also be clear about the time pressure. A temporary tenancy that is coming to an end calls for a different explanation than a completion date you chose yourself for a home you have already bought. Entering into commitments before consent has been given cannot simply serve as an argument that the other parent must now agree.

Make the consequences for the child visible

Describe what a normal school week looks like before and after the move. Think of travel times, after-school care, sport, friends, medical support and time to rest. A map with distances in kilometres says less than a realistic schedule of daily journeys.

For school-age children, continuity is important. Gather information about the intended school and any additional support. A school enrolment must not be used to present the move as a done deal in advance. Consent for the move and the choice of school must be arranged sufficiently clearly.

Take your child’s views seriously without having them rehearse a desired statement. A child must not be made to feel responsible for the outcome or for a parent’s happiness. The court can involve the child in an appropriate way.

A concrete proposal for contact and transport

The other parent must be able to assess how their bond with the child will be maintained. So work out ordinary weeks, weekends, holidays, public holidays and special occasions. State who does the collecting and dropping off, what travel time is feasible and who bears the costs.

More holiday days do not automatically make up for the loss of regular contact during school weeks. Video calls are not simply equivalent to physical care either. Explain why your proposal suits the age and needs of the child.

Think about delays, illness and changed work schedules. Who arranges transport when a parent is not available? Can the child travel safely on their own, and from what age? A workable plan contains answers to such practical questions instead of merely the promise that the parents ‘will be flexible’.

Look into alternatives

Investigate whether the same need can be met with less drastic consequences. Examples include a different home in the region, a different work pattern, the new partner moving instead, or a phased transition. Not every alternative is realistic, but make clear why.

An overview of concrete options is more convincing than a general statement that everything has already been tried. State availability, costs and relevant objections. At the same time, you do not have to accept an impossible or financially unfeasible solution merely because the other parent suggests it.

The parent who objects can also contribute to a workable alternative. Simply saying ‘no’ without acknowledging the existing housing or income problems usually does not help the discussion. A court can take the attitude and efforts of both parents into account in its assessment.

Ask for consent in writing and in good time

Send a complete proposal well before the intended moving date. State the new place of residence, the reason, the timetable, school, childcare and the care arrangement. Give the other parent a reasonable opportunity to ask questions and review documents.

Ask for a clear response and record any consent in writing. Agreeing to a holiday in a particular place is not consent to live there. Likewise, a remark such as ‘go ahead and look at houses’ is not necessarily final agreement to the child’s move.

Once agreement has been reached, update the parenting plan and any other arrangements. Discuss whether a legal record is needed. That way it remains clear which agreements have changed and which parts of the earlier arrangement continue to apply.

Asking for substitute consent

Where parents have joint parental authority, a dispute about a move can be brought before the court under the procedure for disputes about parental authority. An attorney files the application. The application must state specifically which decision is sought and why, after weighing all interests, it is appropriate.

The other parent can respond and may submit their own requests, for example about the child’s main residence or the division of care. The court can ask questions, seek advice and hold a hearing. According to the current information from the Dutch judiciary (de Rechtspraak), children aged eight and over are invited for a conversation with the judge (kindgesprek) in such cases.

How long proceedings take varies. Seek advice in good time if a school year, a home or an employment contract creates a deadline. There is no guarantee that proceedings will be concluded before a date you have chosen. So also discuss a workable interim scenario.

Which documents help?

A good file gives a clear picture of both current life and the proposed new life. Gather evidence that relates directly to the balancing of interests. A long history of the relationship is less helpful than concrete information about housing, care and alternatives.

The applicable court order and the parenting plan.
Records showing who has parental authority, with relevant earlier decisions.
The housing or job offer and the reason for the move.
Research into housing and other alternatives.
School, childcare and healthcare information, where relevant.
A calendar with travel times, handovers and holidays.
The correspondence about the proposal and any objections.

Add a short explanation: which facts are established, what is in dispute and what solution are you asking for? Also mention uncertainties, for example if financing or a school place has not yet been confirmed.

Already moved without consent?

A move without the required consent can have serious consequences. The other parent can ask the court for a measure, for example a return or a change in the child’s residence. The fact that the move has already taken place does not automatically make it lawful.

Seek legal advice quickly and avoid any further unilateral steps. Describe honestly when the move took place, what was discussed beforehand and what consequences have already arisen. A change of school or the ending of existing arrangements can complicate the dispute further.

In the case of a move abroad, the framework for international child abduction may also be relevant. A domestic move and a cross-border removal cannot simply be resolved with the same practical approach.

Moving abroad

With a move abroad, international jurisdiction, applicable law, recognition of decisions and the practicalities of a return also play a role, in addition to parental authority and care. Nationality alone does not determine which court has jurisdiction. The child’s habitual residence and the applicable international rules may be decisive.

Look into school, language, medical care, residence permits, costs and accessibility. Make clear how a long-term stay relates to any consent previously given for travel. A consent form for a holiday is not a general permit to emigrate.

If in doubt, seek advice before you leave or allow a child to stay on after a holiday. Changing the child’s place of residence without proper consent can create a different legal urgency than an ordinary disagreement about how holidays are divided.

Costs and the link with maintenance

A move can change travel costs, childcare and the division of care. That can also affect a maintenance calculation, but a new amount does not automatically follow from consent to move. Keep the different decisions separate.

Make clear in an arrangement which transport costs are borne by whom and whether this has been taken into account in the financial agreements. Avoid the same costs being fully reimbursed and also being counted again as a deduction.

In addition, discuss the costs of legal assistance and possible subsidised legal aid. The explanation of the costs of a family law attorney will help you prepare for that conversation.

Example: a new job further away

In a fictitious situation, Eva finds work in another province. Her child stays with her during the week and spends several days with the other parent. Eva thinks that extra holiday weeks will fully make up for the loss of weekday contact.

When the plan is worked out, it turns out that the journey takes the child a lot of time and that the other parent actually plays an important role in school and sport. Eva looks into a place to live somewhere in between and a different work pattern. She also makes a concrete proposal for transport and for keeping up existing activities.

Whether consent is given still depends on all the circumstances. However, the example shows why a relocation plan must be about the daily life of the child and both parents, and not only about an attractive home or job.

The parent who objects: respond on the substance

If you disagree with a relocation proposal, set out specifically which consequences you foresee. Think of the loss of day-to-day care, travel time for the child, a vulnerable school situation or an unworkable division of holidays. A substantive response helps more than simply declaring that you will never give consent.

Ask specifically for missing information. If no home has yet been found, ask how concrete the intended residential area is. If there is no transport arrangement, describe which tasks you currently carry out and why the proposal does not adequately cover them. Also explain your own availability and practical limitations.

Consider whether adjustments could reduce your objections. A different moving date, a shorter distance or a different care schedule might make a difference. You do not have to agree to an unsuitable plan in order to appear reasonable. It is useful, however, to make clear which alternative you believe better suits the child.

Turning consent into workable agreements

If consent is given, the next steps must match exactly what was agreed or decided. Check the place of residence, school, moving date and the amended care arrangement. Consent for a specific plan is not an unlimited authorisation for later, substantially different choices.

Record transport and costs before the new schedule starts. State where handovers will take place and what applies during the first weeks of transition. Children may need time to get used to a new school or environment; that calls for practical preparation without losing sight of the bond with the other parent.

Also update contact details and the provision of information. Both parents must be able to receive relevant school and healthcare information within their legal position. A move must not quietly result in one parent no longer having access to necessary information.

After the initial period, check whether the plan is working in practice. If travel times or childcare turn out differently than proposed, discuss a concrete adjustment. An evaluation is not a licence to unilaterally revise the consent given or the entire arrangement. If differences persist, the appropriate route for a change must be used.

Frequently asked questions

Can I always move within a certain number of kilometres?

There is no general statutory distance limit in kilometres that permits every move. Even a relatively short distance can affect school and care. Check parental authority, the agreements and the concrete consequences.

Is consent needed if my child is registered at my address?

Where there is joint parental authority, registration at your address does not give you an independent power to change the child’s place of residence unilaterally. An important move must be decided jointly or brought before the court.

Can my ex block any move?

A refusal is not always final. Where there is joint parental authority, substitute consent can be requested. The court weighs the interests involved and assesses the concrete plan.

Should I wait before buying a home?

Discuss the legal risks before you enter into commitments. A purchase contract or planned completion does not replace consent for the child’s move. Financial conditions can help, but they must be worked out carefully.

Can my child choose to come with me?

The child’s view counts, but it does not determine the outcome on its own. The parents and the court remain responsible for the decision and must prevent the child from having to choose between them.

Where do I start with my file?

Gather the arrangement, the parental authority records and a concrete relocation plan. Through family law at Arslan you can have us assess which consent or procedure is required. For problems with how contact works in practice, contact arrangement not complied with is also relevant.