Contact arrangement not complied with: what can you do?

23 September 2026

Arslan Advocaten

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Contact arrangement not complied with: what can you do?

Is a contact arrangement or care arrangement not being complied with? Record precisely what was agreed, what actually happens and what reason is given for the deviation. Then consider whether clarification, professional support, enforcement or a change to the arrangement is needed. A court can make a decision, but the appropriate step depends on the interests and safety of the child. Do not resort to coercion or take the law into your own hands.

Nederlands: Lees dit artikel in het Nederlands: Omgangsregeling niet nagekomen: wat kunt u doen?

Türkçe: Bu makaleyi Türkçe okuyun: Çocukla görüşme düzenlemesine uyulmuyor: ne yapabilirsiniz?

Written by Öznur Batur, attorney at Arslan Advocaten, specialising in personal and family law. Registered in the Netherlands Bar’s register of areas of practice for personal and family law and criminal law. Last updated: 19 September 2026. General information is not legal advice about your own situation.

A missed contact visit, a schedule that has become permanently unworkable and a serious safety concern are different situations. This article helps you tell them apart and build a useful file without making your child responsible for the conflict.

Contact and division of care: what is the difference?

Where parents have joint parental authority, the law usually speaks of the division of care and upbringing responsibilities. For a parent without parental authority, it is generally a matter of contact. In everyday language, the term ‘contact arrangement’ is used for both. The distinction can affect the legal basis of a request to the court.

So first check who has parental authority. Recognition, biological parenthood, the child’s main residence and parental authority are not the same thing. A parent without parental authority can also have a right to, and an obligation of, contact. Separate rules may apply to other persons who have a close personal relationship with the child.

Next, read the full court order or the parenting plan. Sometimes a decision contains only a basic arrangement and the holidays still have to be agreed. An incomplete agreement may need to be supplemented; a clear decision that is structurally ignored calls for a different assessment.

What exactly does the arrangement say?

An agreement such as ‘every other weekend’ can be less clear than it seems. When does the weekend start, who collects the child, where does the handover take place and what happens on a public holiday? Also check whether the text takes account of school holidays, work schedules and illness.

Distinguish between fixed agreements and occasional deviations. Parents can agree on a swap together without changing the entire arrangement. Briefly record such a swap in writing, so that no dispute arises later about a missed day or an alleged new routine.

In a court decision, the operative part (the dictum) and any agreements included in it are what matter. A single passage from the reasoning is not always enforceable in its own right. If in doubt, have someone assess exactly which obligation can be complied with or enforced.

Record the facts without writing a battle report

Keep a concise log with the date, the agreed time, what actually happened, the reason given and your response. Keep relevant messages in full, with their context. Describe behaviour concretely: ‘the handover did not take place’ is more useful than a diagnosis or characterisation of the other parent.

Also note your own proposals and any make-up times you offered. This shows that you are not simply reporting a problem, but trying to find a workable solution. Be honest about occasional circumstances, even where they make the deviation understandable.

Gather evidence with care. There is no need to question your child constantly or have them make statements on camera. That can be a burden on the child and undermine the reliability of the information. Discuss with an adviser which evidence is genuinely necessary and appropriate.

First ask for a concrete solution

If it is safe to communicate, send a short message about one problem. Refer to the agreement, identify the deviation and propose a workable remedy, for example a replacement visit or a clearer handover location.

A possible wording is: ‘Under our arrangement, the handover takes place on Friday after school. The last two times this did not happen. Could you let me know what practical obstacle there is and confirm whether the next handover will go ahead? I suggest making up the missed time on [date], if that suits our child.’

A solution does not always have to mean extra time. Sometimes a calmer handover, less direct contact between the parents or better information about school is more important. Keep the request focused on the child and on how the arrangement works in practice.

When is professional support or mediation appropriate?

Mediation can help when parents can communicate safely and on a sufficiently equal footing. A mediator helps you reach agreements, but does not decide who is legally right. Where there is serious pressure, violence or an unsafe relationship, a different assessment is needed first.

Professional support can focus on communication, restoring contact or supervising handovers. In some proceedings, the Uniform Support Offer (Uniforme Hulpaanbod) may be discussed. It does not guarantee a quick solution and does not automatically replace a necessary legal decision.

Agree in advance which problem a programme is meant to solve and when it will be evaluated. A referral without concrete goals can lead to endless waiting. At the same time, a carefully built-up contact programme can mean more to a child than an immediately enforced extension without any preparation.

Asking the court for compliance

If a clear arrangement is structurally not being carried out, a request or claim for compliance may be appropriate. The procedural route depends on the existing enforceable title, parental authority, the measure sought and the urgency. An attorney can assess whether a family law application or interim relief proceedings are the right route.

The court does not only look at whether an agreement exists. Current circumstances and the interests of the child also play a role. The measure requested must be sufficiently specific and workable. So state dates, times, the handover arrangements and any supervision.

Sometimes a penalty payment (dwangsom) is requested to encourage compliance. A penalty payment is not awarded automatically and is not compensation for grief or lost time. The court assesses whether the measure is suitable and proportionate. Where a child is involved, pressure must not simply be increased because adults are breaking agreements.

When is a change wiser than enforcement?

Changed circumstances can mean that an arrangement is no longer appropriate. Think of a house move, a different school, changed care needs or a work schedule that has changed permanently. In that case a substantive change may be needed instead of merely enforcing the old text.

A change is subject to legal conditions. A parent cannot unilaterally replace an arrangement they dislike with a schedule of their own. Explain what has changed, why the existing arrangement no longer fits and which alternative is more workable.

A new proposal involves more than a wish for ‘more’ or ‘less’ contact. Draw up a calendar, work out the holidays and describe transport, costs and the exchange of information. A concrete alternative helps the court and the other parent to assess the consequences.

What if your child does not want to go?

Take your child’s reaction seriously without immediately giving them responsibility for the decision. A child may experience tension because of handovers, divided loyalties, practical problems or specific events. What this means differs according to age and situation.

Calmly ask what the child needs and avoid leading questions. Involve a professional if the resistance continues or if there are concerns about safety. Simply saying ‘the child doesn’t want to’ does not explain what the parents have tried or which solution is possible.

A child does not decide the contact arrangement independently from a fixed birthday onwards. Their view is taken into account in the assessment, in line with their age and development. According to the current information from the Dutch judiciary (de Rechtspraak), in many family cases children aged eight and over are invited for a conversation with the judge (kindgesprek); that conversation is not a vote in which the child has to choose between the parents.

Safety requires a separate assessment

If there are concrete concerns about violence, abuse, serious neglect or acute danger, protection comes first. In an emergency, call 112. If you are worried about domestic violence or child abuse, you can ask Veilig Thuis (the Dutch advice and reporting centre for domestic violence and child abuse) for advice. In addition, have someone assess which legal measure is needed.

A safety report is not automatic proof that all forms of contact must stop. Conversely, an existing arrangement must not be used to ignore concrete risks. What is needed is a careful investigation and, where necessary, a temporary and reasoned measure.

Keep factual information about incidents and the involvement of professionals. State which protection you are asking for: supervised contact, a different handover, a temporary restriction or further investigation. Avoid public accusations and share sensitive information only with those who need it to do their job.

Can the police come and collect the child?

A contact dispute is not automatically a matter in which the police will remove a child from the other parent on request. The content of the decision, the powers involved and the specific situation are decisive. The existence of an arrangement does not give you a general power to use force yourself.

Have an attorney and, if necessary, a bailiff (gerechtsdeurwaarder) assess which form of enforcement is possible. In cases of acute danger or a suspected criminal offence, a different assessment may of course be needed. Keep those situations separate from ordinary disagreements about a schedule.

Threatening to call the police at every deviation can escalate the conflict and put a burden on the child. A legally enforceable agreement and an appropriate procedure usually offer more certainty than repeated threats.

Withholding maintenance is not a solution

A lack of contact does not automatically cancel a maintenance obligation. Maintenance is intended to cover the child’s costs and follows its own legal framework. Stopping payment can lead to arrears and collection measures.

Likewise, the parent receiving the money cannot, as a general rule, make contact conditional on payment. Problems with maintenance and with contact must be recorded and assessed separately. This helps prevent the child from becoming a bargaining chip between two disputes.

If you also have a payment problem, read the steps under maintenance not paid. For structural agreements on care and costs, a carefully drafted parenting plan is important.

Prepare your application with these documents

An attorney mainly needs information that makes the legal question and the desired solution clear. Arrange the file in chronological order and mark which documents contain the current arrangement.

The court order, the parenting plan and any later written changes.
Information about parental authority and the child’s main residence.
A factual overview of missed or changed contact times.
Relevant correspondence, including solutions you have offered.
Information about professional support and concrete safety concerns.
A workable proposal for the coming period.

Also indicate how urgent the matter is. An upcoming holiday, a house move or a prolonged complete loss of contact may call for a different timetable than a disagreement about arriving a few minutes late. Clear reasoning helps to explain the appropriate urgency to the court.

Example: an unclear handover after school

In a fictitious situation, the arrangement states that the child goes to the other parent on Friday. One parent means straight after school, the other after the evening meal. Accusations of non-compliance arise again and again. The child hears both interpretations and becomes anxious.

On closer examination, the agreement turns out to be insufficiently precise. The parents record who collects the child from school, what applies on school training days and how an occasional delay is to be reported. They also agree that any change will be discussed by a certain time at the latest.

A penalty payment would not in itself have solved the original problem: first it had to be clear what was expected. If a parent then refuses structurally, enforcement may come back into consideration. Facts and the right sequence of steps are therefore essential.

A handover agreement that reduces tension

A handover can become calmer when the place, time and communication have been agreed precisely. Sometimes a handover via school or childcare helps, so that the parents do not have to meet in person. In other situations a neutral location or supervision is needed. Choose a solution that suits the child’s age, safety and the practical possibilities.

Record what happens in the event of a delay. For example, that the parent who is running late reports this immediately via the agreed channel, with an expected arrival time. A child should not have to wait unnecessarily while adults argue through several channels. Also state which belongings go with the child and how any necessary medication or school information is passed on.

A clear handover will not prevent every conflict, but it does make visible where things are really going wrong. Is the problem transport, missing information or a refusal of contact on principle? Those questions may have different solutions. Evaluate a new practical approach after an agreed period and note what improves for the child.

Reading a court decision carefully

After a ruling, it must be clear which arrangement actually applies. Read the decision, any conditions and the date on which it takes effect. Check whether earlier agreements have been replaced entirely or changed in only one respect. If in doubt, your attorney can explain the enforceable obligations.

A ruling can leave room for further consultation. That does not mean that each parent may independently choose the interpretation that suits them best. Put the remaining practical agreements in writing and keep to the intention and limits of the decision. If it is precisely that room for interpretation that causes structural problems, clarification may be needed.

Also keep the information about any available legal remedy. An appeal does not in every situation mean that the current arrangement ceases to apply. Discuss separately what must be carried out while the appeal is pending. A wrong assumption about this can lead to new accusations of non-compliance.

Finally, ask who will provide a ruling to the school, childcare or support workers if necessary. Share only what is needed to carry it out. A professional does not need to know the entire relationship conflict in order to organise a handover correctly. This keeps the arrangement focused on the child and on the concrete agreements that currently apply.

If the arrangement still does not work after some time, gather new facts. Do not simply repeat the arguments from the previous proceedings. A request for a change must show what has changed since then or why the earlier assumptions were incorrect.

Frequently asked questions

Can I enforce contact with a penalty payment?

A penalty payment can be requested, but the court decides whether it is appropriate. There must be a clear obligation and the measure must take account of the interests of the child. It is not granted automatically.

Can a child choose for themselves from the age of twelve?

No, there is no general rule that a child aged twelve or over decides the arrangement independently. The child’s view is taken into account in the decision. Under current court practice, younger children can also be heard.

What if the other parent keeps calling in sick?

Record the specific instances and explanations and ask for a workable agreement on illness. Not every illness justifies the same adjustment. Where there is a pattern, an assessment of enforcement or a change may be needed.

Do I have to try mediation first?

Mediation can be useful, but it is not suitable in every situation, nor is it a general condition for access to the court. Safety, urgency and a genuine willingness to communicate are relevant.

Can I change the arrangement temporarily myself?

A clear agreement made jointly can help in practice. A unilateral change is not without risk. If there are acute concerns, you should quickly seek advice about protection and an appropriate court decision.

What can Arslan assess?

Through family law at Arslan you can have us examine whether clarification, professional support, enforcement or a change is appropriate. Send us the current arrangement and a brief summary of the facts. If a planned move is involved, also read moving with a child after divorce.