Step-parent adoption: adopting your partner’s child

23 September 2026

Arslan Advocaten

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Step-parent adoption: adopting your partner’s child

Through step-parent adoption you become the legal parent of your partner’s child. This requires a decision of the district court. Living together for a long time or caring for the child every day does not automatically make you an adoptive parent. The court examines the statutory conditions, the interests of the child and the position of the other original parent. Adoption has permanent consequences for the legal family tie and is therefore more than a confirmation of the actual family situation.

Nederlands: Lees dit artikel in het Nederlands: Stiefouderadoptie: het kind van uw partner adopteren

Türkçe: Bu makaleyi Türkçe okuyun: Üvey ebeveyn tarafından evlat edinme: partnerinizin çocuğunu evlat edinmek

Written by Öznur Batur, attorney at Arslan Advocaten. Registered in the specialisation register of the Netherlands Bar for personal and family law and criminal law. Last updated: 19 September 2026. General information is not legal advice on your own situation.

This article concerns adoption by the partner of a parent under Dutch law. Where there is a birth, nationality or adoption abroad, additional international questions may arise. The correct route must then be established first.

What changes through step-parent adoption?

Adoption creates legal parenthood. This has consequences for the legal family relationship, maintenance and inheritance law. In a step-parent adoption, the legal tie with the parent who is your partner remains in place. The tie with the other original parent and that parent’s family may, by contrast, be severed by the adoption. Have those consequences explained for your specific family.

Under Dutch law a child cannot simply have three legal parents. The question of who is currently a parent must therefore be answered before the application is made. A biological tie, a recognition and having parental authority are different matters. The birth certificate and earlier court decisions may be needed to establish the starting position.

The child’s name also requires attention. Which name is possible after adoption depends on the applicable naming rules and the situation. A preferred surname is not in itself a reason to skip the other adoption conditions.

Adoption, parental authority and a different surname are different routes

Some step-parents mainly want to be able to take decisions about school or care. Others want the child to have the same surname as the rest of the family. Others again want to change the legal family tie. These goals do not automatically call for the same procedure.

Parental authority concerns responsibility and decisions for a minor. Adoption concerns legal parenthood. A change of name changes the name, but does not make someone a parent. So first establish which problem you want to solve and whether another route is more appropriate.

For a child with only one legal parent, recognition may in certain circumstances be an option worth examining. For a parent with a new partner, joint parental authority of a parent and a non-parent may be relevant. These are not interchangeable solutions: the conditions and consequences differ. Read also about recognition of a child and changing a child’s surname.

How long must you have lived together?

For adoption by the spouse, registered partner or other life companion of a parent, Article 1:227(2) of the Dutch Civil Code (BW) in principle requires a period of three consecutive years of living together with that parent, immediately preceding the application. The law provides an exception where the child was or is born within their relationship.

In addition, Article 1:228 of the Dutch Civil Code contains a care and upbringing period. In the usual step-parent situation, the child must have been cared for jointly for at least one year. Actual care is what matters here. Registration at the same address alone does not always tell the whole story.

It is therefore wise to draw up a timeline of cohabitation and care. Note when the relationship began, when you moved in together and from what moment you actually took part in day-to-day care. If there were interruptions or the family situation is unusual, further assessment is needed.

The interests of the child are paramount

Meeting the time periods is not enough. The adoption must be in the evident interests of the child. Furthermore, at the time of the application it must be established, and reasonably foreseeable for the future, that the child has nothing more to expect from the original parent in that person’s capacity as a parent. This is a separate and far-reaching test.

The fact that a step-parent means a great deal to the child does not make that last question superfluous. A difficult relationship between the adults does not automatically prove that the other parent no longer has any significance for the child either. Look at the actual relationship, past involvement and expectations for the future.

An application is stronger when it is explained from the child’s perspective. What changes for the child’s stability, identity and legal protection? What tie exists with the other parent and that parent’s family? Which consequences are permanent? An adoption application is not intended as a means of settling a conflict between former partners.

What if the other parent objects?

The law takes as its starting point that neither parent opposes the application. Article 1:228(2) of the Dutch Civil Code lists situations in which an objection may be disregarded, for example where parent and child have not, or hardly, lived together as a family, or in certain forms of abuse or gross neglect. Whether an exception applies requires a case-specific assessment.

Having no contact is therefore not simply the same as having no legal position. Conversely, an objection does not rule out adoption in all circumstances. The district court must assess which statutory ground is relied on and which facts support it.

Gather information carefully. A factual timeline with moments of contact, decisions and relevant documents is more useful than general accusations. Do not try to obtain a statement or consent under pressure. The question is whether the court can establish, on the basis of verifiable information, that the conditions have been met.

How is the child involved?

According to the current information from the Dutch judiciary (Rechtspraak), children aged eight and over are invited to a hearing with the judge in adoption applications. The judge may also wish to speak to a younger child. That conversation should give the child the opportunity to express their own views, outside the presence of the adults involved.

In addition, Article 1:228 of the Dutch Civil Code contains its own substantive condition regarding objections from a child aged twelve or over. Objections from a younger child who is capable of a reasonable appreciation of their interests may also be relevant. The practice of inviting children from the age of eight and this statutory test must not be confused with each other.

Do not prepare a child to give a desired answer. Calmly explain what the conversation involves and that different feelings can exist side by side. A child may feel attached to the step-parent and at the same time find it difficult that the tie with the other parent will change.

Parental authority must be examined beforehand

The parental authority situation is part of the adoption conditions. In a step-parent adoption, it must be checked whether the parent who is your partner has parental authority alone or together with the adopting partner, and what position the other parent has. An existing parental authority arrangement may affect the steps to be taken.

Do not rely solely on who actually cares for the child. A parent with little contact may still have parental authority. An extract from the parental authority register should be read together with the birth certificate, recognition details and any foreign documents. Not every parental authority situation is fully apparent from a single document.

If you mainly want to be able to take one specific decision, for example about a school, another procedure may be closer to the real question. A far-reaching change of legal parenthood must fit both the goal and the statutory conditions.

Which documents are usually needed?

Start with the child’s birth certificate, identity details, relevant court decisions on parental authority and details of the marriage or partnership. Add information about cohabitation and care. If there has been an earlier recognition, change of name or foreign procedure, those documents are relevant as well.

The lawyer will assess which up-to-date extracts, statements and any translations are needed. Do not gather sensitive information about the child or the other parent indiscriminately. The content must match the conditions on which the district court decides.

If you have a foreign document, check whether legalisation or a translation is required. A Dutch adoption decision is not automatically processed in the same way in every country. This may matter for foreign registrations or the child’s documents.

How does the procedure work?

A lawyer files the application with the competent district court. It sets out the request, the actual family situation and the grounds showing that the statutory conditions are met. Relevant interested parties may be given the opportunity to state their views. The court may ask for additional information and hold a hearing.

The course of the case depends on how complete the documents are, any objections and the questions still open for the court. There is therefore no fixed processing time that can be promised to every family. When the child’s eighteenth birthday is approaching, timely assessment is especially important, because the law requires the child to be a minor on the day of the first application.

A positive decision must then take legal effect and be processed in the relevant registers. Ask your lawyer which follow-up steps are needed and which documents you must then apply for or amend yourself. A change in the civil registry does not mean that every passport or every foreign register is updated automatically.

What does a step-parent adoption cost?

Costs may consist of lawyer’s fees, court fees, extracts and translations. Additional disputes or international complications may require more work. Discuss in advance which work falls within the engagement and which costs are charged separately.

Whether subsidised legal aid is available depends on the applicable conditions and the case. A low income does not, without further assessment, mean that every procedure is entirely free of charge. Ask for an assessment and read more about costs and subsidised legal aid in family law.

Fictitious example

A child has lived with the mother and her partner for years. The partner cares for the child every day. The biological father has recognised the child, but it is unclear which arrangements on contact and parental authority apply. The family wants adoption because the actual bond is strong.

The first step is then not to write an emotional statement. First, legal parenthood, parental authority, the care periods and the father’s position must be established. After that it can be examined whether adoption meets the statutory conditions, or whether another solution is more suitable. This example does not describe a case handled by our firm.

Frequently asked questions

Do we have to be married for step-parent adoption?

The statutory scheme also refers to the registered partner and other life companion of the parent. The mere absence of a marriage therefore does not rule out this route. The other conditions still apply.

Is the other parent’s consent always sufficient?

No. Even with consent, the court assesses the other conditions and the interests of the child. Adoption is not an agreement that parents can conclude solely between themselves.

Is adoption possible if the other parent cannot be reached?

If a parent cannot be reached, a careful procedural approach is required. The lawyer must assess which information and steps to summon that parent are needed. It is not a reason to leave the parent out of the procedure without investigation.

Is having the same surname enough to become a parent?

No. A name and legal parenthood are different legal facts. A change of name does not automatically confer parental authority, inheritance rights or the position of adoptive parent.

Can adoption still be applied for after the child’s eighteenth birthday?

The main statutory rule requires the child to be a minor on the day of the first application. If the child is already an adult, a tailored approach is needed and the usual route cannot be assumed. So do not wait until just before that birthday to seek advice.

Can an adoption easily be reversed later?

No. The law contains a separate scheme for revocation with its own conditions. Base your decision on the permanent consequences and have any questions about this discussed in advance.

Contact Arslan Advocaten to have your family situation and possible route assessed. Please state the child’s age and whether a court decision on parental authority already exists.